The essence of ease
Ease is the gift that I am here to share – helping you to breathe ease into your heart and your days using light butterfly touches and gentle nudges.
These bountiful spiritual helpers I have – crystals and cards and mandalas and butterflies – can bring a moment of ease with a single touch.
Except when they don’t.
I went through a spell when ease was far from my heart.
So what does the ease-bringer do when she isn’t feeling ease?
I’d like to say that I had the answer and found a beautiful ease-y way through it.
I didn’t.
In fact, I felt so separated from my spiritual helpers, so deaf to their voices, so mired in darkness that I panicked. I wondered if this was depression. I wondered if I really was not meant to do this work.
I actually heard myself say, “I have nothing to offer.”
Oh, and that hurt.
This was not nourishing separation.
All through these dark days, I looked for answers.
Could it be astrological? Each new astrological event would come and go and the low stayed with me.
It wasn’t the stars.
Is it the weather? On the cloudy days the low seemed close to normal for me, but when there was bright sun and birds and tiny new spring buds? I didn’t feel lifted even then.
It wasn’t the weather.
I tried more exercise. I’m glad I’ve gotten pretty steady at using the treadmill – it’s almost a habit now! – but I wasn’t feeling even a small uptick in mood because of it.
I tried my own helpers – to no avail.
I tried stepping back into the first practice that ever helped my heart, but even taking beautiful photos felt flat to me.
I checked with my pendulum to see if I could do some clearing – no. Could I clear myself – no.
I reached out. Several conversations, with wonderful friends. It was in conversation with my magickal friend Charlene, that I began to get a glimmer of a solution.
And I took that glimmer with me to process it.
Which means that I talked out loud while I did the dishes. Yes, this is how I do my best processing. I’d love to say I journal, or meditate or do interpretive dance to achieve the insights that open in my heart….but if I’m being honest, I really just talk to myself.
I’m so grateful I did!
Once I began, it didn’t take long for me to finally realize that this darkness in my energy was not mine.
While I usually have no trouble at all discerning if a physical feeling is mine or not – and therefore releasing that headache or stomach upset almost immediately – it just had not occurred to my brain that I could be carrying energy that was not mine.
It’s obvious now when I think about it, but not so when that very energy was getting in the way of my inner knowing.
As I talked, I let my intuition have its say.
Open to real answers and possibilities now, I recognized the exact person it was coming from as she popped into my mind.
Not a bad person – as far as I know. In fact, someone who appears to be doing good work in the world. Somehow though, being connected with her was a problem for my heart.
We were only connected on Facebook. I left her group and I unfriended her.
The results, in my heart and mood, were instant.
This is nourishing separation!
I feel light, optimistic, ready. I can see – wait, no, I can feel! – Beauty again.
I can hear my spiritual helpers again, and I am getting a yes to clear almost every time again.
And, yes, I said all of that in present tense, because this beautiful return to myself continues. It has been days and I feel great!
Our connections – even the virtual ones – are always a part of the energy that moves through and around and in ours.
While we are always connected, it is up to me and only me to nurture, manage and love my energy.
Sometimes that means finding separation. Nourishing separation.
It’s my energy – I get to decide who comes into it and who doesn’t.
You have the same responsibility for your own energy.
So, tell me, Dear One. How is your heart today? Is there anything – or anyone – you need to release today?
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