#Cudalove: A Light I Shared With You

A spiritual awakening.He loved to just sit in the front yard, and I loved to take his photo and show you. #CudaLove

Clear lessons.

Heart-opening guidance.

The big, beautiful A-Ha!

That’s what I wanted – what I craved.

It was part of what kept me here, present, holding the leash, even when my arms were tired.

It wasn’t any of that.

In the moment of the appointed time, it was just more moments.

A painful blend of all the emotions – love, regret, uncertainty, sadness, gratitude, hope, resignation blurred together in our tears.

For almost a breath there was a gentle lightness that quickly disappeared.

Perhaps I could not feel much of him through that blur. Perhaps he was so tired that his spirit could only manage to leave, not to leave with a bright and beautiful message.

The moments, the days, the weeks after continued as a blur.

This blur was activity. Taking care of arrangements. Catching up on work that had lapsed while my attention was elsewhere. Preparing for a huge trip and a big conference.

Doing. All.The.Things.

And in the quiet moments of winding down each day, my heart and brain wanted rest. They wanted nothing to do with writing and reminiscing and feeling all the things.

I played silly games on my phone. Watched shows. Dropped into sleep upon hitting the pillow.

There would be time on the plane to work through this. To think, to feel, to write.

There would be time at the conference.

There would be time between exploring.

There would be time when we got home.

Time kept moving and my heart kept still.

Until now.

As we traveled, the message unblurred itself.

A simple message. Soft. A reminder rather than a revelation.

Wherever we went, the people who know us – who share our lives through the wonders of the Internet – so many of them had something to say.

Once in awhile it was about Cleavage Friday. Sometimes it was about the return of the Beetle.

But more often than not, it was about ‘Cuda.

I could see it in the way they talked about him – in the looks in their eyes.

That was his love shining through.

He touched people.

We discovered he loved the backyard swing and spent many an afternoon chilling there together. #Cudalove

He opened their hearts just by being here with us.

He helped them feel love.

He helped them remember their own wonderful fur kids from all their years.

And I helped.

I showed his world to you. You felt his light. Our love.

The love in his heart, the determination he had – I shared that most every day.

Pictures. Comments. His very own hashtag.

‘Cuda was a light in our world. A light for me, for us, for you.

As I struggle to find what I am called here to do, I see once again how ‘Cuda has helped lead me there.

My role here isn’t to teach you anything.

You already have all you need.

My role is to share the light that I see. To draw back the curtain so we can all see the Love and the Beauty and the Wonder that flows through everything.

And so it has been with photos, with gratitude, with Butterflies, with Rock Stars, yes – even with cleavage. So it also is with the love of one fur-baby become fur-angel in my own arms.

Thank you for sharing his light. Thank you for being on this journey with me.

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