“Can we lose the best of ourselves when we focus too much on trying to not offend anyone?”
This is what I asked on Facebook yesterday. Based on the 21 comments it received in its first 2 hours, the question may have struck a nerve for a few people.
But what was I talking about? Something must have spurred me to ask the question.
Sure it did, but my thoughts and the back story are longer and more complex than a Facebook discussion could easily hold.
And so a new blog post was born.
Let me begin with some details you may or may not know.
Part of my intention on social media channels, and in life in general, is to be supportive and loving to others. Sometimes based on an intuitive nudge, often as a response to a difficult situation they have mentioned.
My go-to expression of support is, of course, to send butterflies.
Sometimes I am specific about who the butterflies are for:
…healing butterflies for the loved one going into surgery, calming butterflies for the family and loved ones waiting on her and calm, confident and alert butterflies for the medical team performing her procedure.
Sometimes I am specific about the type of butterflies:
…shimmering orange butterflies so you remember how amazing you are and the job interviewers find you irresistible.
Sometimes they are more generally supportive, especially when I know the person receiving them is not really in the know about my butterflies:
…sending butterflies and hugs…
But the question remains: Why send butterflies? Why not pray or something else?
My reason is simple. I know butterflies. My relationship with them creates the most powerful transmission of love and healing that I can generate.
Butterflies are my richest blessing.
Is sending butterflies like praying? Definitely. It’s a lot like praying – connecting with the Divine with loving intention.
Is sending butterflies energy work? In fact, yes, the butterflies are super helpful with making space for energy.
Is sending butterflies like sending healing light or positive vibes? Absolutely. My energetic butterflies are composed entirely of healing light and positive intentions.
Is sending butterflies like Reiki? While I have not been taught the ways of Reiki, my understanding of its healing principles tells me, that, yes, I think it is.
In fact, sending butterflies is like shorthand for saying “may all the energy and light of the Divine that you need arrive just as you need it and may it help you to also release all the difficulties of this moment”.
When I think of all of these practices – prayer, energy work, Reiki, positive vibes, butterflies – I see them now as the expression of the Divine within us. Perhaps the Divine in you would rather play drums, while the Divine in another lights candles, and yet another practices magic.
Each of these is the Divine awakened in you. Each of these is just as sacred as the next.
So here is where the question came from.
Over my many years of connecting online, I’ve been active in a lot of groups and forums. People being the human creatures we are, frequently ask for support in difficult times.
Since I want to be supportive, I send butterflies.
Yet, butterflies are not always welcomed.
In some cases, I have been scolded for not praying when prayer was asked for.
I have occasionally been asked to not send butterflies in a group, or to provide only the type of support that people are asking for.
So be it. As a rule follower, if I am in a group I follow its rules, usually to the letter. If I disagree with the rules, I may decide the group is not for me.
In some cases I’ve stayed in the group and silently sent butterflies, while staying active in the group in other ways. Sometimes when I know the person who is asking for support, I’ll send them butterflies in a private message, or in my own butterfly group.
After I have grown tired of having to withhold butterflies I’d like to send, I will usually quietly leave, butterflies and all.
These request to respect another person’s beliefs made me wonder. What is the most effective way to offer support to someone?
We each have our own way of energetically supporting others, our own expression of the Divine. This is one of the beautiful things about our differences: look at how many options we each have!
Do we gain more by only receiving the support with which we are most familiar? Or could it be that when others send us their most familiar support that the energy is even more powerful? Is it possible that receiving more than one type of energetic support at once could bring us more healing, more gifts and more love?
I know I didn’t always see it this way. There was a time for a few years when I held enough bitterness towards the church that I never wanted anyone to pray for me or anyone I loved.
Mellowed over time, and through my own spiritual awakening, that bitterness has dissolved and I now see that prayer is as much an expression of the Divine as all of the others. I’m so grateful I can see this now!
Here’s where my question came in:
I do think we can lose the best of ourselves if we spend too much energy on not offending anyone.
What am I without my butterflies? Not nearly as alive, as vibrant, as healing, as amazing.
Should I hide my butterflies because someone else doesn’t get them? Or because someone else would rather share chanting or animal totems?
I think not! Just as I think they should not hide their chants or totems.
We all need the Divine and we need to see more of her any chance we get. That amazingness in you? That’s the Divine. I want to see yours. And I want you to see mine.
If we took all of our different ways we support each other, all those little bits of the Divine we bring to each other, brought them all together and gave it a good shake, we may just get a glimpse of how amazing the Divine really is.
That Divine in you is just one facet of the immeasurable greatness that permeates our existence. With all these facets surrounding us and supporting us, we can only grow stronger and more loving.
Show me your Divine. And I’ll show you mine!
How does the Divine express herself through you? What is your amazingness and how do you share it?
i like the page ,but did not know much about it need your butterflies for my upcoming meeting with lawyers thanks prayers
Thank you umbreen. Feel free to poke around here to find out more about my butterflies. In the meantime I’m sending you bronze butterflies with swirls of green and purple to help with your meeting. Be well, friend.
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~
Beautifully expressed, Teresa! As a “recovered professionalist” I couldn’t agree more! I agree we can lose the best of ourselves if we spend too much energy on not offending anyone. We’re here for a reason. We’ve been given our gifts, thoughts, talents, experiences and so on for… a… reason. Personally, I LOVE your unique approach to giving butterflies!! And because I might ask for prayer on something, if your response is to send butterflies then that, to me, IS in fact YOUR prayer. Simply beautiful!! ((HUGS)) Keep up the empowering work. Appreciate YOU!
Thank you Jennifer! Here’s to being our whole selves and sharing our true gifts! Appreciate YOU!
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~
I absolutely get you Teresa! I generally refer to my healing/wishes/prayers/energy as prayers – because that’s a term that I and others are familiar with, but it would equally include butterfly energy. I don’t use the word prayer out of any ideological principle, rather out of convenience. So, send your butterflies – they are beautiful, loving and powerful – and since that’s what behind them, that’s what you should send!
Karen, I love knowing that you use the word prayer out of convenience, and that it includes healing, wishes, prayers and energy. How wonderful!
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~
First, I have always loved that you found a way to do something that for me was the equivalent of prayer without the religion (I’m not religious). I think your butterflies are the perfect response to that issue. And I have to say if anyone can’t be open enough to receive the love you send out so readily, then it is their loss. I say, send out what you wish to send out. Period. You shine, every day. Don’t let the naysayers stand in the way of your beautiful light.
Yes, you totally get it, Kelly, and that’s one of the many things I love about you! “the equivalent of prayer without the religion” is such a beautiful way to describe the butterflies!
As for sending them out? Well, I’m too much of a rule follower to do so if I’ve been asked not to, and that gives me the energy to share them in a different place where they will be more welcomed. They will still be sent, they will still shine.
Thank you, dear friend!
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~
Hi Teresa,
I think I’m in a group with you that might have been part of the catalyst for this line of thinking and subsequent blog post. Until yesterday, I didn’t know what a butterfly was except those elusive, beautiful creatures you sometimes see flying outside. Now I’ve read a bit more about what you mean and I believe it’s a beautiful way of expressing the seeing and sending of love and energy.
But even before I followed my curiosity and discovered what you are talking about, it certainly didn’t seem to be something to be afraid of. However, I find that many people are intolerant of what others offer if it is different from what they know. Even when they practice something that is not on a more ‘traditional and accepted’ path. I find it extremely ironic that people who are into chanting, beating drums, witchcraft, etc, are just as intolerant. I’d think you would know that there are many paths to the same place and be accepting of others. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.
While I’d really like to see more acceptance and encouragement of our differences since that’s what makes each person so special and the world magical, I know that we can’t forget that some will never accept you for who you are and what you offer. And that is okay. Because life is too short to feel or act like anything other than the true expression of yourself.
So I say, send all the butterflies you want and you can choose to share or not, but don’t ever lose yourself trying to adapt to what you perceive others want. First, it never works because you can’t be all things to all people. And second, it could be depriving the people that truly understand and accept you the opportunity to connect with you and those are the people you want to be surrounded by.
Thank you for this lovely comment Denise. When I see that people are unwilling to accept that others practice sharing the Divine in different ways, I try to remind myself that I was there once, but it does bring me a touch of sadness. We can gain so much, live so brightly, by sharing and receiving each others’ gifts. The world is a beautiful place!
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~
Teresa –
I have just come to know you on Facebook and what made me seek you out was that you were sending butterflies. The first time I saw you type that to one of our mutual friends, I was filled with delight. I knew that you GOT it. That you MEANT it. And that you were really living it!
Now I’m part of your facebook group and I’m learning more and more everyday. I haven’t worked a lot with Butterfly as a totem, but I find them fascinating in this was that you frame them. Keep doing what you do because it is beautiful and wonderful!
I struggled for a long time with prayer requests because I’m very familiar with energy work but, like you, I was not totally comfortable with the concept of ‘prayer’. I may drum, I might chant, I might light a candle, I might do a rune casting, I might do some crystal healing, I might do a lot of things, but I’m not getting down on my knees next to my bed (I know prayer takes more forms than that, but this is how I felt). So, eventually, when someone requested support, I just replied “Incoming!” and let the ‘what’ stay ambiguous.
After reading your post, though, I think I just may be more vocal about what I plan to do. My gifts are my gifts and they are an expression of me, and I think that’s important.
Nathara, how wonderful that we connected precisely *because* of my butterflies! You’ve proven an even more beautiful value to sharing each of our individual amazingness: they attract exactly the right people.
Now wouldn’t it be wonderful if your drums or crystals or chanting invited your right people to you? I say give it a go!
Hugs and butterflies,
~Teresa~
One of the things I hold as private to the Internet is my spiritual practice, my feelings on religion and such. I always felt that if I WOULD share this, I might cause offense and invite in the trolls lol.
Reading this post made me realize that I also hide my way of reiki: healing bubbles, and probably for the same reason.
It is funny how this happens. I bet if you explain butterflies and ask if they are ok, most of the people of a group you are in will say they are fine. The minority usually shouts the loudest.
Our community and our earth are evolving. Our community used to be around us physically. Now it is all over the world.
Maybe your butterfly group is the long house of your community, the gathering hall, and the other groups are where you find those that are part of it. Those who feel in their hearts: YES, this is it.
And then, no matter what the “haters” say, you shone your light and your truth. No hiding needed.
Share and shine with your heart. Share and shine with abandon. Some people won’t get it. But most will. They are your people.
Love you,
TG
Thanks for mailing and asking for my opinion, dear Teresa.
I think you should stay true to yourself and keep doing what makes your heart sing. It might be difficult for some people to get the butterflies, but those who get what you’re doing without any explanation and those who totally love them are your right people.
When in somebody else’s group, you might have to send the butterflies silently (depending on the group). That’s understandable. Each group has a specific culture, and not every group might be a good fit for butterflies. But then again, you will be drawn to those groups which are.
Butterflies are just a symbol in this discussion about uniqueness. For you, it appears in the form of a desire to spread your butterflies no matter what. For another, it’s something else that is part of her unique story. And those unique elements in our stories, none of which are the same, are what makes us stand out and find our right people.
Just keep being your joyful, colorful self and own your butterflies unapologetically. I can’t think of you without them. xoxo
Hi Teresa,
I LOVE this post and I LOVE how you beautifully shared how divine energy lives in you. You teach authenticity. My divine comes forth in a feeling of love and compassion I wrap up in a blanket of blessings and send off to others…we are all different and it is our unique gifts that create the magic in life. I LOVE your butterflies!
Great title for a powerful post..And so powerfully argued.. of course we are more powerful when we send the love and energy that comes from our knowing and our way of being..and yes there will be people who can’t accept it maybe at that moment or maybe ever. But these days, anyone who wants to send me light and love and healing and butterflies.. in whatever shape and form.. I know the energy and intention are pretty much the same regardless of the package they come in. I love knowing you are there.. watching and sending.. Love to you, Lisa
Never hide or apologise for your butterflies!! I love them!
You’re absolutely right though – this is somehting that too many of us do. We hide our light under a bushel or edit ourselves so that we don’t “offend” when we hsould be shining in all our glory as an inspiration to others – an authentic inspiration.
Authenticity is very much lacking in this day & age or conformism & fashion. And yet authenticity is what makes you special, unique and at your most beautiful. You can send me butterflies anytime you like 😉
Oh, this is such a rich, rich post Teresa. I think we can lose a bit of ourselves when we change to suit someone else, whether this is in a group or one-on-one. Then sometimes there’s a tipping point of sorts when we decide to stay or go.
This is by far my favorite of your blog posts to date. I couldn’t agree more that there are many ways to acknowledge, invoke, and celebrate the Divine and I love the thoughtful way you put this into words. They’re all different paths to the same end, and should be respected equally (whether or not they’re understood). Brilliant reminder — can’t wait to share!